2/18/20; Week 7: Response to Differences in Manners

I happen to be the mother of three boys (and two girls), but I am going to focus on the boys – especially my two youngest who are budding teenagers. For several years now, they have found immense humor in loud bodily functions. It drives me crazy! “What do you say?” is a common query to our boys. Seriously though, do they really mean “Excuse me,” when they flaunt their bodily functions to solicit reactions? Ugh…

Manners are something we have been working on for a long time, and for the most part, our boys display what we have taught them in public (thank goodness). Three years ago, we had the wonderful opportunity to travel to Taiwan to visit my relatives. It was my husband and boys’ first time visiting Taiwan. They absolutely loved the food, hated the heat, and were totally stoked when burping at the table and slurping their food was allowed; so stoked that there were even a few comments about moving to Taiwan despite the heat. When we returned home, they attempted to continue the soup-slurping and table-burping and were abruptly reminded we were back home in the States where the manner rules are different.

While my boys were a little surprised with the different table manners in Taiwan at first, they adjusted and welcomed them quickly. There are other manners one might not be so quick to adjust to or welcome, though. It might be uncomfortable. Imagine going to a different country and having to adjust your manners because yours are considered rude. It can be a challenge for all involved. How do we handle these situations? I have to say…it depends on the circumstances.

Several years ago, we took our kids to visit my husband’s grandfather. He was probably in his late 80’s at the time. Grandpa was born in Mexico and moved his young family to the States in the mid-1940’s. He was a respected, hard-working man and a very good cook. Grandpa always had a warm meal ready for us when we visited, and this visit wasn’t any different. We sat down to eat, and Grandpa started telling us a story…with his mouth full of food. Our four-year-old daughter pointed at Grandpa and started to say something. We knew what she was going to say…“He’s talking with food in his mouth!” My husband put his hand up motioning for her to stop talking, but she was adamant about correcting Grandpa. Every time she would start her sentence, my husband would put his hand up and tell her, “It’s ok.” “But…” was all she could get out before my husband would put his finger to his lips, “Sshhh, I know. It’s okay.” She just couldn’t understand. We had practiced this rule with her over and over and here was Grandpa breaking the rule. This was one of those circumstances where it was best to understand that Grandpa had a different set of rules.

In our classrooms, though, the students are there to learn. Part of the learning experience is to learn culture, manners, and how to adapt. As teachers, we should be mindful of our students’ backgrounds, situations, and previous experiences while providing a safe atmosphere to learn what are considered proper manners in the classroom and society. Just as my husband and I taught our boys the acceptable manners in two different cultures, it is our obligation as teachers to educate our students to be aware of cultural manners and how to be respectful in the culture they are functioning in. This can be accomplished by incorporating them into lesson plans and practicing manners in the classroom on a regular basis.